Thursday, November 29, 2007

Let Spidy live!

ok. please help me out with this one.

i was yesterday night in the wonderfully equipped monoprix, searching for some matchbox helicopter, milk and cookies. and then i saw this. SPIDERMAN! well, not him, but a drawing of him on this miniature vehicle box.


a colleague just came in the office and asked if i accidentally had a refrigerator with me;
the answer was no. sorry, but i don't have a refrigerator with me. it looks like he found one two offices down the corridor; how silly of me to leave the fridge at home in the kitchen; what was i thinkin?


The box contained the AMAZING SPIDY CAR!

Ok. Spidy car. WHY?! It makes a kid confused. Why would Spiderman need a car for? Isn't he like cool and shit with his "uuuu... look at meeeee, i'm a fuckin cool urban tarzan?" Why would he need a car for? For his family? Is he attending a parade? Spidy and friends fishing adventures?

And Spiderman needs to get somewhere FAST (that's what the term of superhero usually stands for) What if he gets stuck in traffic? (yea yea i know... batman has a car and he never gets stuck in traffic - that's because batman goes out at night - how the hell would he see the bat-signal on the sky if it's daylight?) Then what? Leave the car there and go? And when he goes he realizes he didn't need the car in the first place. So he goes on and steals a scooter. Or a bike. Vrooom! Spiderman to the rescue!

UNLESS! this car is from the beginning of Spiderman's career, when he was operating in a village.

Yeeees. A village.

All the great people started in god-forsaken villages somewhere. it's classic. And in a village, you can't just jump from house-roof to house-roof. Disappointing for the fans. (and very confusing for the cows) You would need something to take you somewhere. FAST. Trop vite! Of course, a car wouldn't go around unnoticed in a village. Especially if it's colourful and technologically cool. That's why he would have a barn for it.

Yes, a village. Terrible place to fight crime, the village.

"Spidy! We need you! A duck's been stolen!"
"Spidy! You saved our lettuce from the evil rabbits! You're our hero!"
"Quickly! Someone call Spiderman! I think I'm missing a sheep!"
"Spiderman! Take me to the barn and make sweet love to me!"

Mary Jane would be called Gretel or smth; or, romanianly speaking, Måria; And Spidy would get her knocked up and one day, Måria's father would take Spidy to show him... LAND!

"Look Spiderman... Can I call you... Spiderson?"


"Look Spiderson... Look at all this LAND! LAND! One day... this will be all yours! You'll be able to grow all the corn you want! ALL! Can you imagine that? And go to the market and sell it for the best price and come back where Måria will cook you and your kids a good dinner. Aaah... Future seems bright for you Spiderson... Spiderson?"

And that was when Spidy realized he always liked to hear cars honking. MANY cars honking. The car stayed there. And, as they say... the rest is Marvel.

This toy set is only the result of the rich imagination of some Chinese guy.

Make love not photoshop.


Gulutza said...

Chinese are evil. In a creative kinda way.

Loved the story. I demand more!

Spid doesn't need a car, he needs to get laid. But that's a different story.

Tobey McGuire made Spiderman look gay. The red haired chick as well.

over and out!


Doamna Brebenel said...


Sahara Penguin said...


"Can I call you... Spiderson?"

=)) =)) =))